Feeling Words

Alexithymia - the inability to use words to express emotions - is a topic that intrigues me. I had never even heard of the word until listening to a song with that name as its title by a band called Anberlin.

Emotions and words are powerful things, and we all have both. I know from experience that sometimes the two are hard to put together. This can be quite the struggle, and not just for the one who can't put words to their emotions.

I used to talk a lot - sometimes far more than necessary. That's a trait I've noticed that has changed as I've gotten older. Unfortunately, the pendulum sometimes swings too far the other way. On occasion, I don't even say enough.

This frustrates me, and I've noticed that it also frustrates those close to me. I'm not trying to be frustrating, and I know they're not trying to be frustrated. But honestly, sometimes, I just don't know what to say. I know what I'm thinking and feeling, but I don't necessarily know how to say it.

We've all been through hard times in our lives. That's a given due to the fallen, sinful state of the world we live in. Another fact is that we all have people who care about us, who want to help us through those hard times - myself included.

I went through a period of time several years ago where I pushed my emotions aside, thinking that by doing so, I could take on the burdens of those I cared about. What I didn't realize is that by doing so, I only caused further damage to myself, leading to these times of inexpressible emotions, making true intimacy with others hard.

Some may tell me that I shouldn't post something like this because I'm exposing a weakness. If that's you,1. Thank you for your concern. 2. I respectfully disagree.

I believe firmly that being open and vulnerable about things like this actually helps others who are dealing with the same or similar things to not feel alone. Also, when we allow ourselves to expose our weaknesses instead of hiding them, we have a greater opportunity to work on them and turn them into strengths.

Taking this challenge and writing this blog has been wonderful for me. Just by finding words to write to you every day, I find myself learning more of who I am. God has called me into ministry. Ministers are broken people who deal with broken people. We seek to help others find God's strength and power in their lives because we've experienced it in ours and can't keep it to ourselves. 

God is using this time to help me restore some self-expression. I pray He's also using me and this blog to encourage you through whatever's going in in your life as well. We have something to say. Let's find out what it is.

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